Navigating Transitions: The Power of Authentic Framing for Neurodivergent Children

Picture this: You’re standing in the school uniform shop, holding a new blazer whilst your stomach churns with worry about September. Your child is fidgeting quietly beside you, shoulders tense, clearly not thrilled about this whole exercise. The shop assistant chirps, “Excited about going back to school, are we?” and you feel that familiar pang of ick – maybe shame, maybe worry – as your child doesn’t respond with the expected enthusiasm.

“Oh yes, it’s going to be absolutely brilliant this year, aren’t we excited?” you hear yourself saying, voice pitched slightly too high, desperately trying to inject positivity into the moment. Meanwhile, your internal voice is catastrophising: What if the new teacher doesn’t understand them? What if they struggle with the changes? What if last year’s progress disappears overnight? What if they can’t cope? How am I going to cope with those mornings again?

Your child catches your eye in the changing room mirror, and you can see they’re not buying your forced cheerfulness any more than you are.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. And here’s what many parents don’t realise: our children—particularly neurodivergent ones—are remarkably skilled at picking up on the disconnect between our words and our genuine feelings. They’re also acutely aware when we feel we need to perform  and show joy about their experiences for other people’s comfort.

When Our Words Don’t Match Our Worries

As parents, we want to protect our children from our anxieties about their upcoming transitions. We build them up. Promise it’ll be awesome. Remind them how resilient they are and shy away from talking about anything that might be remotely uncomfortable. The intention is beautiful, but the execution often backfires. Research into emotional development shows us something crucial: children develop emotional regulation skills not from hearing that everything will be perfect, but from seeing how trusted adults authentically navigate uncertainty.

During my research into supporting children through transitions, I discovered that the way parents frame events has a profound impact on their children’s ability to cope with change. But here’s the key—it’s not about painting everything in unrealistically rosy colours. It’s about what researchers call “mildly positive framing”: acknowledging that changes bring both challenges and opportunities, whilst demonstrating genuine confidence in your child’s ability to adapt.

The difference is subtle but powerful. Instead of “Everything will be amazing!” (yes, sometimes whilst secretly expecting disaster – more on how to address this below), authentic framing might sound like: “Starting a new class always feels big, doesn’t it? There might be some tricky bits as you get used to everything, and there will definitely be good bits too. We’ll figure out any challenges together as they come up.”

The Foundation: Getting Right with Ourselves First

One of the most significant findings from my research was that effective support for children begins with parents addressing their own emotional responses to the upcoming change. This isn’t about having everything sorted—it’s about honest self-reflection.

Before we can help our children navigate transitions, we need to explore our own reactions. What are we genuinely worried about? Are our concerns based on past experiences, our own school memories, or genuine current risks? Sometimes our anxiety stems from feeling unprepared to advocate for our child’s needs, or uncertainty about what support is available.

This self-awareness creates space for us to respond from a place of calm curiosity rather than reactive fear. And children feel this difference, even when they can’t articulate it.

Side note: This isn’t easy to do, and sometimes we need support with developing the self-awareness needed to understand where the worry stems from and help to reframe our thoughts around transitions too – remember that ‘secretly expecting disaster moment’? – we might be stuck in a loop of negative thought patterns, so if you’re struggling to see what the positives might be, check out this brief video here which explores this.

What Authentic Support Looks Like in Practice

Of course, we don’t just have to rely on ourselves as parents to help with these transitions. In fact, as long as we are not actively adding to the worry by bringing our own emotions to the table and compounding the anxiety, we can frame mildly positively, supporting by acknowledging emotions and then seek further support from other sources who can reinforce our message to our children from a place of lived experience that we may not have.

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking with Kirsten Jack, founder of Uncommon, who exemplifies what genuine, affirming support for neurodivergent young people can look like. Her approach offers a blueprint for the kind of consistent, long-term support that makes a real difference to children and young people during transitions.

Kirsten’s journey began with her own experience of knowing she was autistic from her late teens—unusual for her generation—but feeling unable to disclose this in professional settings for nearly twenty years. This lived experience of masking and managing without appropriate support drives her passion for creating something different for today’s young people.

Uncommon provides online mentoring for neurodivergent young people, particularly during the challenging transition into secondary school. What makes their approach powerful isn’t just the practical support, but the fundamental shift in framing. Instead of focusing on helping young people “fit in” or “cope better,” the mentors—who are neurodivergent themselves—create spaces where these traits are understood as differences, not deficits.

“Every time we talk to parents,” Kirsten explains, “they say ‘just focus on our young person—we can’t find other people doing what you’re doing.’ There’s something unique about having mentors who truly get it, who’ve walked that path.”

What is really exciting is that now, alongside the support for children and young people through organisations like Uncommon, parents can also get support alongside this via organisations like Supportive Stories. No one needs to be left behind when struggling with transitions.

The Elements That Make Transitions Successful

Drawing from both research evidence and observing approaches like Kirsten’s, several key elements emerge that support successful transitions:

Consistent, Long-term Relationships

Transitions aren’t one-off events—they’re processes that unfold over time. The most effective support comes from people who can journey alongside families through multiple changes, understanding, not only the parent perspective but also the child’s unique needs and celebrating their growth over time.

Neuro-affirming Language and Approach

This means moving beyond seeing neurodivergent traits as problems to be solved, instead recognising them as differences that bring both strengths and challenges. When children hear adults discussing their needs with respect and genuine understanding, it builds their own self-advocacy skills.

Authentic Emotional Acknowledgment from Parents

Rather than dismissing worries or promising everything will be easy, effective support acknowledges that transitions can feel overwhelming whilst maintaining genuine confidence in the child’s ability to adapt and thrive.

Peer Understanding and Modeling

There’s something irreplaceable about seeing someone who shares similar experiences thriving and happy. It provides a roadmap for the possibility that well-meaning adults simply may not be able to offer in the same way.

Practical Strategies Rooted in Understanding

The best support combines emotional validation with concrete tools—whether that’s helping a young person understand their sensory needs, developing self-advocacy language, or creating systems that work with their brain rather than against it.

Building Your Own Support Network

Not every family needs intensive support, but most benefit from having trusted people in their corner—especially during transition periods. The question isn’t whether your child needs help; it’s about building connections before you’re in crisis mode.

Sometimes the support children need is direct—mentoring, counselling, or specialist input. But often, what children need most is for their parents to feel confident and equipped. When we’re struggling to unpick our own worries about our child’s transition, when we’re not sure how to advocate effectively, or when we need help understanding what support is available, that uncertainty seeps into how we frame things for our children.

There’s no shame in acknowledging when we need support to support our children well. In fact, it’s one of the most important things we can model for them.

The Ripple Effect of Authentic Framing

When we get this right—when we can approach our children’s transitions with genuine calm curiosity rather than barely-contained anxiety—the effects ripple outward. Children learn that challenges are normal parts of growth. They develop language for describing their needs. They begin to see themselves as capable of navigating change, even when it feels difficult.

Most importantly, they learn that seeking support is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. They watch us reach out when we need help, and they internalise that this is how humans successfully navigate complexity.

Moving Forward Together

As we approach the new school year, take a moment to check in with yourself. What are you genuinely worried about? What support might you need to feel more confident advocating for your child? What conversations might help you approach September with authentic optimism rather than forced positivity?

Your child’s transition begins with your own emotional journey. When we do our own work first—acknowledging our worries, seeking appropriate support, and finding our genuine confidence—we create the foundation for our children to thrive through change.

Finding the Right Support for Your Family

If you’re recognising that your child might benefit from the kind of affirming, peer-led support that Uncommon offers, their courses provide exactly the long-term, understanding approach that makes such a difference during transitions. You can find out more about their programs at [Uncommon’s website].

And if you’re finding yourself struggling to unpick your own worries about the new term, or if you need support navigating what services might help your child, remember that seeking guidance is part of good parenting, not a sign that you’re not managing well enough.

Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do for our children is to get the support we need to support them well.

What transitions are you and your family facing this year? How are you preparing—both practically and emotionally? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

For more insights into supporting children through change and transition, and to explore whether Supportive Stories might be able to help your family navigate upcoming challenges, [book a free clarity call] to discuss your specific situation.